23rd July
2010
written by C. Janelle

This is my first piece for Write Anything’s [Fiction] Friday. Writing it was a blast! I actually wrote this on Tuesday, but who cares. That doesn’t matter.

I thought, as a fun change of pace and in the spirit of FF’s celebration of the first draft, I’d scan my handwritten pages for this and post those as a reading option along with my typed version. So, here they are in order. Click the thumbnails for the full-sized images:

I also thought it would be fun to record this piece on Audioboo, for those who might want to just listen. (There are a few skips in the recording, but it doesn’t seem to have skipped out anything important.)

Listen!

Here’s the typed version:

———— Start time: 5:20p

Kalane Manor was small by noble standards: the stables housed only five horses, the serving staff numbered under ten, the windows were small and plain, and the drapes were crudely dyed coarse linen. Though the grounds were less expansive than those of the royal family and other more well-to-do dukes and duchesses, none could compare to the beauty of the hamlet the Duke and Duchess of Kalane oversaw.

The gardens of the manor itself boasted fruit trees and a variety of vegetables, as well as a plethora of perfectly pruned flowers and shrubs. Outside the manor gates, each small cottage had a similar garden that ran the length of the old, rutted dirt road.

One of Theo’s first memories was of wandering through the manor’s garden while his father spoke to the Duke. He was perfectly content to be alone, humming tunelessly to himself and pulling dried leaves off of the shrubs as he passed them. It was the first time he’d been there during the summer, and the air was cool and hung heavy with the scent of ginger flowers.

He picked his way along the cobbled path to the bench he knew was tucked away beneath the tallest evergreen. But where he expected to find his usual quiet solitude, he found instead a small girl, dress scrunched up at the knees and white stockings smeared with dirt, sprawled beneath the bench seat with a book. He knew the Duke of Kalane had a daughter, but he’d never met her. She and her mother spent the bitter winters farther north with the Duke’s sister, and he hadn’t even thought that, on this unexpected summer visit, she might be home.

When she lifted slate gray eyes, he felt like an ant in the shadow of a foot. Her eyebrows drew together and she closed her book, lips pursed.

“Who are you?”

Theo glanced around, sure that the question in such a cold, vicious tone couldn’t possibly be meant for him. One glance back at the girl assured him that, yes, she was talking to him.

“Theonis,” he said. “Son of the Archer. Are you the Duke’s daughter?”

She pulled herself out from under the bench and smoothed her skirt down over her knees. When she dropped into a sloppy curtsey, he could see that her red pigtail braids were two different lengths. “Emia. I’ll be a duchess someday.”

Theo tried to picture this short, dirty, freckled little girl in the elaborate dress of a noblewoman, but all it did was make him snort a laugh. The glare she shot him was cold enough to freeze molten earth, and he shut his mouth immediately.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “You’ll be a good duchess, I’m sure.”

“What about you? Are you supposed to be the next Archer?” She dropped her book and seized one of his arms, examining his musculature. “You look awful weak to be any good.”

Theo yanked his arm away and scowled. “I always hit my target,” he grumbled. “My father says I’ll be great. I bet I’ll be a better Archer than you’ll be a duchess.”

She was strong for her deceptively small size. Before he even registered that she’d pushed him, Theonis found himself looking up at her from flat on his back. For a moment, he couldn’t catch his breath, and he tried to blink away tears. He swiped bitterly at one that ran down his cheek.

The second she saw that tear, she dropped to her knees beside him and helped him to sit up.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to get hurt.” She brushed the dirt from his back while he took a couple of deep, rattling breaths. “Are you okay?”

Theo nodded and sniffed, fighting the urge to push her back. “I’m fine.”

Emia sat back on her heels. “Do you want to sit with me? I could read to you and make you feel better.”

“I can read,” Theo snapped.

“I didn’t say you couldn’t. But I only have one book, and we can’t read it at the same time.” She hopped to her feet and offered him a hand.

Theo pushed the hand away and hauled himself to his feet, dropping heavily onto the bench as far from her as he could get.

“I really am sorry,” she said, opening her book to the first page.

Theo, humiliated, simply sat and said nothing.

———— End time: 7p

Total word count: 733.
Total time: 1h40m (with lots and lots of interruptions)

13 Comments

  1. 23/07/2010

    I imagine as I read more flash pieces related to this prompt I will be meeting more characters like Emia and Theo who I will feel compelled to learn more about.I’m not sure if this was historical or fantasy but either way you captured a feel of time and place.
    Jason Coggins\’s last blog ..Flash Fiction meets Moult World 1My ComLuv Profile

  2. 23/07/2010

    Welcome to Fiction Friday!
    You’re all over the place, aren’t you? I couldn’t decide with which medium I wanted to gave the story told to me. I settled on the typed version and I must say, very well done. I could easily close my eyes and see the little girl sitting beneath the tree.
    Not bad for your first contribution. Look forward to reading more of your work.
    John Pender\’s last blog ..Fiction Friday 165My ComLuv Profile

  3. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Carly Tuma, John Pender. John Pender said: Great #fictionfriday story by Carly Tuma. http://tinyurl.com/29aszuh [...]

  4. 23/07/2010

    Nice exchange. Are these characters of your own? They are well developed and the meeting between boy and girl is poignant.
    Laura Rachel Fox\’s last blog ..A MeetingMy ComLuv Profile

  5. 23/07/2010

    I enjoyed this piece a lot and was a little bummed out that there wasn’t more. I got wrapped up in the two characters and would love to see where their relationship goes.
    Walt\’s last blog ..Memoirs of an Assassin 5 – Painful MemoriesMy ComLuv Profile

  6. 23/07/2010

    You have created such strong characterisation in a brief introduction. I am now curious to know about the Archer and how he fits into the grand scheme of things. Lovely descriptions.
    Adam Byatt\’s last blog ..Behind the MaskMy ComLuv Profile

  7. 23/07/2010

    @ Jason Coggins: Thank you. :) This is entirely fantasy.

    @ John Pender: Can you tell I had a lot of time on my hands this week?

    @ Laura Rachel Fox: Yes, these two are my own. I never did feel quite right writing other peoples’ characters.

    @ Walt: These two are main characters in my WIP, so maybe soon I’ll post some more about them. :)

    @ Adam Byatt: Thank you! I’m glad to know that these two seem strong already. This is one of the first pieces I’ve done to try to flesh them out a bit more.

  8. 23/07/2010

    I certainly want to know what happens next. Vivid characters that hint at a greater story. Good job.

  9. 25/07/2010

    I found it really easy to visualise the scene, and the story moved along at a nice pace. Welcome from another relative newbie!
    Stacey\’s last blog ..My ComLuv Profile

  10. 25/07/2010

    Great potential in this piece. Like the others I’d really like to read a bit more, so get going!

  11. 26/07/2010

    I love your opening here – the descriptions of the house and gardens totally brought them to life for me.
    I like the dynamics of the two characters – being a romance writer I see them falling in love in a few years…?
    NewToWritingGirl\’s last blog ..Sunday Evening ThoughtsMy ComLuv Profile

  12. 26/07/2010

    @ NewToWritingGirl: I don’t want to give anything away about this WIP just yet, but maybe in the future I’ll reveal whether or not there’s anything between them.

  13. 28/07/2010

    Very nice writing. I enjoyed the written version first, then was pleasantly surprised with the oral version.

    I always read my stuff aloud to find the cadence in my sentences and paragraphs. (I’ve blogged about this as well).

    Anyhow, just passing through from Tessa’s blog hop – onto the next!
    roh morgon\’s last blog ..bloghopperMy ComLuv Profile

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